The Courage to Claim My Full Identity

By Caroline Skaret

Years ago, when I began to my journey as an LGBTQIA+ advocate, I hoped to educate myself, so I could better support my family members and friends in this community. Early on, I was so fortunate to discover CU PRIDE through their coming out stories. Later, I attended their BGHH meetings and Allies into Action, where I learned this community’s struggles, their perspectives and their experiences through which I began to understand how to stand with them. I did not expect to be exposed to so much courage.

That was naïve of me. Their stories of “coming out” were all different but they were all stories of bravery. For most of these individuals, coming out was a choice. No one would have “noticed” that they weren’t part of that community. Claiming their true identities and embracing their true selves therefore took bravery as their truths could endanger their careers, their livelihoods, their homes and families.

They understood the danger and risked it all anyway – to bring their whole selves to the world.

That is the most common definition of courage – not the absence of fear but  doing something anyway despite that fear. Their true transformations were only possible because they came through embracing that fear and no longer allowing it to rule their lives, their love and their relationships. They were free and at peace with themselves in ways many had never experienced before. I wanted that freedom and self-acceptance for myself, too.

As a disabled person, I have not felt free to be honest about who I really am and what I’ve had to navigate most of my life in a world that wasn’t designed for me. Seeing the courage and transformation of the beautiful LGBTQIA+ community brought me hope. And, as I found myself wanting more and more often to be honest about my own situation, I decided it was time to unmask and self-identify.

Many people with non-apparent disabilities, especially those who are neurodivergent, hide in place by wearing the various masks to “fit in”, leaving their beautiful music in the car. I stopped doing that, sharing first with other IDEA+B activists that I was neurodivergent and what my experiences have been.

I went on to self-identify at work via the HRIS system and started to ask for accommodations for what I needed to be successful.

Finally, I co-founded Alliant Credit Union’s employee resource group VALID for employees with disabilities, employees who support and/or care give for persons with disabilities and our allies.

None of these milestones would’ve been possible without the loving support of CU PRIDE, my LGBTQIA+ friends and family members. While I can in no way ever repay their love, kindness and support, I want everyone to know how their courage inspired my own and how they’ve helped me be my full authentic self at work, at home and now, at peace with myself.

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AUTHOR

Caroline is a senior technical writer with Alliant Credit Union. She is a fierce advocate for inclusion and belonging and part of the CU Pride Volunteer Network. Connect with her on LinkedIn.